What an amazing blessing ahead been given! While we had waited for a while, God had given us what we had been praying for. He blessed us with a child. So, we should have been sharing our thanks and love for The Lord. Well, I wasn’t.
I know that it wasn’t my intention, but I became a person that was anything but the Light of Christ. Before we were pregnant, I had a very specific role in my family. I was the peacemaker. I was the mediator. I tried to put myself in the other person’s shoes and explain his/her side of the story. I wanted everyone to get along, almost at any expense.
Unfortunately, after I was pregnant, I didn’t keep this up. The first challenge that brought on was that I wasn’t helping the family stay together. And, I do wish that was the only consequence…
The real struggles began when I started speaking my own mind. I stopped trying to put myself in other’s shoes, and started giving my opinions. And, if I felt like someone was hurtful or mean, I didn’t forgive, I launched. As you can imagine, I caused a huge rift in the family. And, instead of recognizing this and apologizing, I became extremely self righteous.
Why is it always my job to be thoughtful of others? Why doesn’t anyone ever take my thoughts & opinions into account? Why do I always have to be the one? Why me?
Here’s why…because Jesus says so.
Matthew 17:21-22 (GNB): Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, if my brother keeps on sinning against me, how many times do I have to forgive him? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” answered Jesus, “but seventy times seven…”
See, as children of Christ, we are asked to forgive, not once or twice, but always. Christ calls us to forgive, and to be His light in the world.
Matthew 5:14-16 (GNB): “You are like light for the whole world. A city built on a hill cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and puts it under a bowl; instead he puts it on the lampstand, where it gives light for everyone in the house. In the same way your light must shine before people, so that they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven.
Instead of being that Light, I was self-righteous and indignant. I definitely was not the Light of Christ. I have no excuse for that, and I am sorry!
Here’s the part I hope to share with others… When you are building your nest, try not to inadvertently (or purposely) tear down others’ nests. Be open to their thoughts and ideas. Understand that they have those for a reason. Try to listen to all of it and make your own choices. Listening doesn’t mean following, it just means to listen and appreciate them for who they are and the thoughts they have.
And, for those who have been hurt, please know that it probably wasn’t purposeful. People who finally conceive can be hormonal and emotional and, at times, irrational.
See, when God blessed us with our child, I felt like a mama bird needing to build our nest. And, I wanted that nest to be built by my husband and I with the purpose of growing and protecting our little egg. It wasn’t personal; but, I am certain it came across that way. I felt like Christ had given my husband and I a blessing that we, he and I, needed to build and nurture. We needed to build our nest. And, thank you for your opinions (and that thank you was not sincere), but this is our blessing. See, very judgy.
I know I have apologized to so many about the way I acted back then. I write all of this knowing that God has given me the opportunity to see things, but maybe not all of the details, not all of the hurt, not all of the words. I only hope that through this post others may not step through, or in, all I did. I pray this helps others either avoid it altogether, or at least to make those steps much more bearable than I did.
